Numb
by Michelle Drake
Summary: Logan’s thoughts during his confrontation with Max during "Hello, Goodbye."


Author: Michelle D.R.A.K.E gyspsychic04@kittymail.com.com  
  
Author's Note: Hey all! I know it's been a while, but finals were horrendous this semester! Here's a one of many pieces that I've written from "Hello, Goodbye" the best episode of all time! It isn't my best work, but I felt like posting something and my muse hates me and won't let me finish my sequel to Forever Changed :( , so here it is. Enjoy! Thanks to Mocha for beta-reading this :)   
  
Author's Note 2: I just created a fanfiction/originals forum board, and there is a website coming soon thanks to Phoenix Rain :) Please join! http://fictionforum.suddenlaunch2.com or http://clik.to/writersconnection The site is for everything; all sorts of fanfiction, poetry, original novels and short stories, lyrics and more! Please join and I'll love you forever!  
  
Summary: Logan's thoughts during his confrontation with Max during "Hello, Goodbye"   
  
Spoilers: "Hello, Goodbye"  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Feedback: *points to the review button at bottom of page* I live off feedback! If you have any questions, comments, suggestions or need a beta-reader please e-mail me at gypsychic04@kittymail.com (my other e-mail is down at the moment)  
  
Disclaimer: Fox is a bunch of flaming morons that decided that Dark Angel isn't worth their time, so I'm claiming it! That's right, DA is now MINE! Along with Jensen Ackles, and Michael Weatherly! So there! If you want them, just ask ;)  
  
  


. . . N u m b . . .  
By Michelle Drake  


  
Numb. All he wanted was too feel nothing, even if it were for a few seconds. He wanted to be numb from the hurt and suffering that she had caused him. He wanted to stop feeling his anger and pain. All he wanted was to be able to escape the heartache she was causing him, trying to deny everything, even though he had already accepted it.  
  
All Logan could do was sit in the dark, trying to drink the pain away, waiting for the alcohol to deaden his hurt- even if it was just for a little while. He should have seen it all coming. His first hint should have been when she left him at the hospital before he had a chance to talk to her. He knew that she was trying to avoid him, it was the same things she had done every time something out of their control happened. And on the phone, he knew that she was ready to give up but, he just didn't want to admit it. He knew that if he had given her the chance she would have broken his heart right then. But he had waited; waited hoping that things were still going to work out. Now he wished he had let her give in to the difficulty of life then. It would have saved him so much heartbreak and it would have been far easier then seeing her with Him. The man that could give her everything that he felt he couldn't.   
  
After seeing Alec with her he saw them both in a way he had never seen them before. It wasn't the fact that Alec had been standing there with his arm draped around Max, looking at her in an almost loving and protective way. It wasn't even the fact that it was early in the morning- almost too early for him to be over. It was Max's smile. The smile Logan hadn't seen for the longest time; the smile that he missed so much. That one smile; that one happy moment; that she shared with Alec broke his heart. It was the one thing he couldn't give her, and the one thing Max truly needed.   
  
He couldn't help but think that he shouldn't have kept his hopes up that him and Max would be able to work things out. He had been burned so many times before; by Daphne, and Valerie, and even by Max. Logan knew that Max had been ready to give up their relationship long ago. He knew from the moment that she had come back that things were never going to be the same for them. And he knew with the one kiss they were able to share not so long ago that it was the beginning of the end of what they had had. He had felt the pain and hurt that she had been keeping buried deep inside when she kissed him that last time, and he could feel her strength to keep going on slowly fade away. She had been slipping away from him for the past year, and it was only now that he could truly accept it. But he didn't want to accept it. Logan had almost lost her so many times. The thought of losing her again made him feel sick. He knew he was helpless to keep her from giving up and leaving him for good.   
  
He heard the front door open slowly, and in the dim moonlight of his penthouse he could see Max walking into his apartment. She hung what looked like a necklace on the board he had sketched his map out on. He could tell by her body language that she wasn't going to be staying and he wasn't going to let that happen.  
  
He flicked on the lights, already knowing that confronting her wasn't going to turn out the way he wanted. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach, but he didn't care. He was so sick of letting her constantly leaving him without giving him a chance to say anything. He had been where she was, thinking it was all too hard. He didn't want to lose her again, he just couldn't.  
  
"Hi there." Logan could tell that she wanted to leave right then and there and he could tell she was searching for an some excuse for why she had been avoiding him and why she was here now.  
  
"The lights were out, I didn't know you were home," she said downwardly. She could tell that he was drunk, and she knew it was because of her. All she wanted to do was get out of there, but she knew he wouldn't let her leave that fast.  
  
"Cause' if you did you wouldn't have come, huh?" He said with a sarcastic harshness as he took another drink. It felt good to be so brutally honest with her. Things couldn't get any worse between them anymore. He felt as if he had nothing more to lose, in his mind he knew he had already lost her, but still in his heart he just wasn't ready to.  
  
"I found this around Joshua's neck. He said that father gave it to him. It's the same symbol the breeding cult uses," Max said eyeing Logan curiously as she tried to dodge a real conversation. She had never seen him like this before, so broken and empty. So unlike himself.   
  
"So Sandeman is one of Whites cult loonies, huh?" he said, taking another drink. He honestly didn't give a damn about Manticore, the place that helped ruin Max's life and was now slowly trying to take away his as well. "Whoo hoo," he said sarcastically.  
  
"I'm saying that there is a connection between the breeding cult and Manticore," continued Max, trying to cover up her emotions. She knew how much she had hurt him.  
  
Logan got up from his chair quickly, talking in a sarcastic, irrational tone, "Maybe I ought do an Eye's Only hack. Huh? I mean- It's a big news day. In case you hasn't noticed. I tried paging you. I wanted to talk to you but-" he paused, then adding coolly, "I guess you were busy."  
  
Max could see that where he was leading. She couldn't stay any longer, especially when he was like this. It hurt too much. "I'm going- I just thought you wanted to know."  
  
Before she could duck out and make her escape Logan quickly blocked her way. She tried to dart one way but he blocked her again. He smirked, covering up his pain momentarily, knowing that it was only the alcohol. He couldn't keep letting her leave him without having any say in the matter.  
  
"Cut it out," Max said coldly. She couldn't keep on doing this. Almost killing him, and always hurting him. She had to face the fact that she wasn't like other people, she couldn't have a normal relationship with him. She should have known it from the beginning.  
  
"I could keep you here all night," he countered, with a taunting smirk, taking another drink. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the pain he had been keeping held in for so long that was influencing him to act like he was. All he knew was he had never felt this way before; this hurt and angry. All he knew is that deep down he almost enjoyed that he was doing this to her, forcing her to see how much pain she had caused him.  
  
"Come on Logan," she pleaded, trying to cover up her emotions.  
  
"At least until I drop dead," he continued almost heartlessly, knowing that that was uncalled for, but he didn't care. In his mind he had nothing more to lose, he had already lost her. He took another drink, still blocking her escape route.  
  
"I've said everything I needed to say," Max whispered quietly, avoiding his glance. She couldn't stay there any longer and see how much hurt she was causing him.  
  
"I don't think so," he replied contemptuously, taking another drink. "I think there's something else-"  
  
"Logan," Max pleaded quietly, still not wanting to look him in the eyes and see his pain.  
  
"-Or is it someone else?" he asked painfully.  
  
"What?" she asked taken aback.  
  
Logan's tone turned from sarcastic to almost heartbroken. "I needed to talk to you, so I came by your apartment." He chuckled painfully at the memory. "And I saw him leaving," he added, pausing for an excruciating moment as he waited for an answer. Logan looked up at her wanting her to tell him that he was wrong. "I- I mean if I got it wrong just say so."  
  
"Tell me that it's not true," he said in almost a whisper.  
  
"I- can't," Max managed to say, knowing that with every word she said she was breaking his heart more and more. She finally looked into his eyes, knowing that she was making the hardest decision of her life. "It's over. We're done. Get used to it." She said harshly as she quickly turned around, not wanting him to see the sadness in her face. She couldn't let him know that she was lying to him; that she still loved him. All she wanted to do was stay with him, but she knew that she had to leave him for good. As she walked away she let out her tears that she had been trying to hold in. She opened the door and walked out of it forever.  
  
Logan just stood there, watching her walk away, and waiting for the pain to go away. All he wanted was to be numb from everything. To not feel anything; the pain, the hurt, and the heartbreak she had caused him. He would do anything to take away the stabbing pain just for a second, but he knew nothing would help . . .  
  


. . .E N D. . .  


  
Author's Note: Not my best work and the ending was a little lame, but I hope you enjoyed it. Please review with any suggestions and comments! Luv y'all! And please, Please. PLEASE join my fanfiction/originals writing forum board! http://fictionforum.suddenlaunch2.com or http://clik.to/writersconnection   
  
  


numb.by.Michelle.Drake©   
gypsychic04@c4.com  


  


  


  
  



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